I like to be comfortable. Actually, I love to be comfortable, at all times. If I’m sitting, I like to put my feet up, if I’m standing, I like to be leaning on something, If I’m home, I like to be in my slippers and my joggers (or sweats or pj’s…whatever is close and clean…I tend to always have a pile of laundry laying around somewhere.) If I’m watching TV, I like to be cuddled into the couch, or my babe, haha. You get my drift. Comfort is so important to me!!!
Comfort zones are a pretty big deal in my life.
Unfortunately, they aren’t something we’re supposed to stay in for long and I’ve been in one for the longest time; happily of course. Then the happily started to change. Not that I wasn’t happy. I was extremely happy. I love my husband more than the day I married him by a longshot, I love being a mom to my kids and watching them grow into the people they are becoming, I love my house, OH HOW I LOVE MY HOUSE! My job, I loved my job so so much! Working at my Aunt’s café was literally my favorite job I’ve ever had. I loved working with her and for her. We had so much fun day in and day out. I loved the customers. I loved that I knew them by name and they knew mine. I loved that I knew about their lives and the good and the bad and that in some small way, I helped make their day better when I saw them. I loved that I knew what I was doing and that I was really, really good at it.
I was so comfortable.
And around the first of the year, it wasn’t the happiness that changed. I just became restless. I started to get that gut feeling. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that you want to ignore, but you can’t because 99% of the time it’s right and you‘ve learned to trust it. That’s the one I’m talking about. I started feeling like change was coming and that the season of life I had been living (ever so comfortably) in was getting ready for a major overhaul.
I even mentioned to Marcos a few times, “I feel like things are about to change, I feel like something is coming.” And we’ve been together long enough that when either of us start to feel that way, we trust it. He asked follow-up questions of course and I went into more detail of how I was feeling and we began to talk it out and pray separately and together daily on the way to work for direction and wisdom.
And nothing happened. I’m telling you, absolutely nothing changed AT ALL! I started to think that maybe I was wrong and I was just feeling restless because I hadn’t been writing like I love and spending time on a few things I promised myself I would to better myself this year.
Then one ordinary Thursday night I got a phone call that was so unexpected and shocking that I don’t think I was even able to process what the call was truly about throughout that entire sleepless night. The next afternoon, I went to pick Marcos up from work and he got in the car and started telling me news that wasn’t just going to change the season of life we were in, it was going to change everything. As we sat in our car forever that rainy afternoon talking and sharing I felt like I couldn’t even think straight, but the one thing I knew, this was going to be a defining moment in our lives. I was never going to forget that time sitting in that car together. As prepared as I thought I was, I was so taken by surprise, I honestly think I was in a state of shock for the rest of the night.
Marcos and I spent the weekend talking and talking and talking and there were tears, there was laughter, there were times we just tried to forget everything. But we knew that it was time to make some big choices for us and our family.
Now, Marcos and I are both pretty active on social media, but only for the fun or the funny and the ironic. We both have acquaintances from work or church, but we both make a habit of not sharing much about our private lives. We are very guarded and fiercely private when it comes to that and we have learned not to share too much with many, it’s just not wise and it could easily cross boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. We have (maybe)2-3 people that we completely trust and share our lives with and it’s in times like this that we are so thankful for them and their listening ears and praying hearts and amazing words of wisdom they give us. But in this moment, we told no one for a long time.
I wish I could say that we just prayed together and God showed up and told us step by step what to do, but he didn’t. I did pray that he would, hahaha, but oh, that God, He doesn’t work that way. It’s up to us to see the paths laid out in front of us and use His word that’s in our hearts and the godly counsel of those around us and just plain common sense to choose the right way to go. And I’ve learned that lesson over and over and over again. Take a step back, breathe, and start to meditate on the things that are new that have come in to your life, or things people have said that struck a chord of truth in your heart when it was said and try putting that puzzle together a step at a time. Every great act of faith is accomplished just one right step at a time. And as we begin with those baby steps, every step after becomes more and more clear.
And that is exactly what we did. We started to look at different things that were starting to come together for our family: There was a perfectly timed text message from a new friend who has turned into an invaluable friend and part of our family. There was godly and wise counsel from Marcos’s boss when he was able to share with her what we were going through, and honestly a hug from her that brought me to tears just when I needed a hug and the encouraging words she spoke over my life that day, “You’re doing good. It’s all good. Everything will all work out because you’re doing good!” There was an opportunity for our daughter to make huge strides towards her future…
But it was going to come at a cost.
None of the advice and offers and opportunities were going to mean anything or add up to anything without sacrifice and huge changes. And that scared me.
And it became more and more apparent that I was going to have to get out of my comfort zone and make a change that I did not want.
But at the same time I did.
But I didn’t.
And back and forth it went like that in my head. However, things were changing quickly and I knew that I was going to have to make a decision even more quickly. I finally said out loud what I had been dreading. “I think it’s time for me to move on and find a different job.”
There were a million reasons behind that and Marcos was definitely in agreement with me, but I didn’t even know where to begin. So thinking I was going to bratify – yes that’s a word – my way out of this I set all of these parameters. “I will only leave if it’s a job in the fitness industry or in the ministry, it has to work around the hours of our family and the needs we have, I would have to make more money, I don’t want to look for a job, if it’s right, it will fall in my lap.”
That was on a Friday.
The following Wednesday Marcos was approached by someone with the question, “You don’t happen to know anyone looking for a job would you?” And began to lay out the facts that fit every single one of my stipulations I had laid out.
We made eye contact and it was over. I knew in my gut that this was it. This was God’s way of telling me that it was time.
Within a month I had the new job working for the Eureka Rescue Mission and had left my job of 2 ½ years at the café that I loved.
It was scary and it was uncomfortable and it was so far beyond me. I was a ball of nerves! I was leaving everything that I knew and going somewhere to completely start over, but as nervous as that made me, I had so much peace knowing that it was the right thing.
I heard myself and the advice I’ve given to others so many times about the scariest times of your life being the greatest because that’s when we stop relying on ourselves and we begin to rely on our family and friends and our faith and we begin to see explosions of personal and spiritual growth in our lives. I knew it was time to follow my own advice.
And I have zero regrets. I love my new job, even though I’m uncomfortable every single day as I begin this huge journey of learning everything I need to know. I have gone from interacting with people all day every day to interacting with only a chosen few, and as much as I thought that would be hard, I absolutely love it.
God always knows best. He knows what we need when we need it. Like a child that resists change and discipline, we often resist God and fight where he’s trying to take us because we can’t see the end result and we know it’s going to require discomfort, but man oh man, do those rewards outweigh the discomfort. Every. Single. Time.