This year didn’t go the way I planned. I didn’t start concentrating on taking care of my physical self again.
I didn’t make leaps and bounds personally by learning a language or an instrument or reading a bunch of books to better myself.
I didn’t become a biblical scholar.
I was actually pretty hit & miss with church this year if I can be 100% honest.
Not with my relationship with God – let’s avoid confusion and rumors – with church attendance. And THAT is a huge lesson I learned this year in itself.
I gained some weight.
I lost some muscle.
I wasted a lot of time watching tv & movies.
I was a home-body.
I vegged out A LOT!
I’m happier than I’ve been for a really long time.
I learned that my relationship with God depends on ME. It is not dependent at all on how often or little I’m in church. I learned what a healthy relationship with God looks like. I learned what a healthy church looks like. I learned what is acceptable and completely unacceptable to me in a church leader. I don’t mean that in bitterness in any way, shape or form-I am saying that in gratefulness for the road I’ve walked lately.
I learned what I want in relationships & friendships. I learned that a small circle is ok. It’s actually healthy. I’d rather have 2 or 3 meaningful relationships than hundreds of shallow acquaintances. I learned to cut out people that were a cancer to my life.
I learned how much I desperately love my family. I learned how true it really is when Marcos and I tell people that we are best fiends. I learned that we were wise beyond our years all this time the absolute necessity of being best friends in a marriage if you want it to be successful and grow. We have grown closer than ever this year. Perfect? Nope. Happy? Yep! We learned to communicate better & better. We learned to talk about the things that really matter. We learned to have fun and forget about the important stuff every now and then and how very important it actually is to just let go sometimes and have fun.
I Learned what I really want in life. When everything is stripped away and it all falls away, it gives a chance for true passions and desires to rise to the surface. I learned what I’m willing to let go of. I leaned what I’m willing to fight for. I learned to see what my path should be.
So this year, 2016, I’m focused on learning to grow & give up control. To take leaps and bounds on the pathway God has for me. To let go and take the steps that scare me, that make me uncomfortable, that make me unsure, the ones that lead to every kind of surprise because I have no idea how they will turn out.
I’m looking forward to every success.
I’m looking forward to every failure.
I’m looking forward to every lesson.
I’m looking forward to the growing pains.
I’m looking forward to the joys.
The past year was fun in a way I never thought letting go could be. (Control freak much?!?) It was weird in a way that learning to not care what anyone thinks about any decision always will be. It was a valuable lesson in growth. It will not be for nothing. Some people will read this and think I failed for an entire year. I will always look at 2015 as a year of great success for the lessons I learned and the things I learned about myself and my heart. I look forward to what 2016 is bringing to me & my family.