Sometimes I feel like a split personality. Please don’t think I’m crazy. Just keep reading…
Actually, I think everyone has a split personality to some degree. 
Sometimes I can be the nicest person ever. And sometimes I can be the meanest person ever. 
And I hate it. I wish I were the nicest person ever all day everyday. I wish I always had patience. I wish I were always kind and generous and giving. I wish it didn’t make me crazy that the house gets messy or that the kids have be told a kajillion times to do things. I wish I didn’t get irritated at small things. 
But life happens and so does the side of me that I hate. I hate when I can feel and even HEAR myself being a total psycho getting crazy about something dumb and I know I’m being dumb, but I’m committed to being dumb in that moment and I’ll look even more dumb and MORE psycho if I stop, so I just keep being psycho.   
But what if I were committed to humbling myself and stopping myself and taking a deep breath and apologizing? 
Wouldn’t I, in actuality look LESS psycho and more like a person who is allowing God to work in them and changing from the inside out? 
I wish becoming more like Jesus weren’t a life long process. I wish when I thought I had a handle on issues, I really did and they never popped up again. I wish when I think I finally arrived in different areas of my life I had actually…well…arrived. Instead of finding out its just a rest stop on the way to still becoming who I’m supposed to be. 
But I guess if that wish came true, life wouldn’t be the same.  
I wouldn’t have that reminder that I constantly need to rely on Jesus for every single thing every single day. 
Oh, if Only I could just remember that and not think my reliance on him was seasonal. When I’m faced with my faults and shortcomings. If only I could remember that even on my best day, I still have a lob ways to go and my dependence on him has to be 100%. 
Even Jesus, perfect as he was, was only

Perfect because he kept in communication with God the father at all times. He never hung that phone up and ended that conversation. He was constantly seeking him and drawing closer to him. 
He didn’t have supernatural powers, and we forget that. He was 100% human, just like us. Why can’t I learn from that and keep that in my brain???? 
Jesus was who he was because he recognized his weaknesses at all times. And he dealt with them with the same authority you and I have and refuse to use. 
My prayer today…and if I remember again…every day moving forward is that I will walk in that authority and confidence and remember that humility will make me powerful in the long run, make me more like Jesus and draw others TO him, instead of pushing them away. 

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