So, for all of you who didn’t ask, which is everyone, because seriously, no one asked…but should have…I’m about to blow your mind with some amazing marriage advice.
Let it go.
Your mind is blown.
But, seriously, let. It. go.
Best advice you will ever get.
I’m sorry, when people tell you that they never went to bed angry or upset, that’s a load of crap.
You cannot live in the same house with someone for 50 or 60 years and never fall asleep irritated.
It is rockin’ good advice, however, because falling asleep upset does not a pleasant “morning after” make. Because even if you aren’t mad anymore, there is that awkwardness that no one wants to talk first and the other one is wondering if you’re still mad and you’re wondering if they’re still mad and it’s like you’re on a blind date with the person that knows you best. No one wants to make the first move.
It should be in the dictionary as the definition for awkward. Well, that and singing out loud when you think you’re alone and realizing you’re not. That’s not so pleasant either. For either person.
The perfect example of letting it go happened to Marcos and I and it’s a story that has evolved over this past week or so.
Last Wednesday, I was not in a pleasant mood. I didn’t sleep well the night before, or the night before that and little things were irritating me all. day. long.
I now take the lightrail to work because it only takes me about 15 minutes, I no longer deal with traffic and parking downtown. It’s the best decision for my sanity and the sanity of those around me.
So, I ended up getting out of work late and then for whatever reason, I missed my train and had to wait another 10 minutes for another one. Marcos had a few errands to run, blah, blah, blah, we decided that he wouldn’t wait for me and would go to church and I would stay home and go to bed early.
I get on the train and it gets to my stop, there were literally hoards of us waiting to get off/on at that stop, the doors never opened and off we went to the next station…what. the. freak.
I was in a SUPER good mood by the time I got off at the next stop that was over a mile away, went around the tracks and waited another 10 minutes for the next train back with about 40 other super excited people.
Anyways, I finally got home, ate dinner, put on my sweat pants and laid on the couch watching TV until he got home from church where I quickly started telling him my sad, sad lightrail story.
When I finished he asked, “Why didn’t you just walk? Baypointe station is just right there.”
To which I answered, “No, it isn’t. The next stop is Champion and it’s over a mile and I had high heels on.”
“Maybe you should have pressed the stop request, you must have passed that station.”
“No, everyone was pushing the stop request because everyone was trying to get off the train and back to Tasman.”
And this went on for a while until he said, “Oh, that’s weird.”
And in my heart I just knew.
He didn’t believe me, he just didn’t want to argue anymore.
But, anyone who’s married can be my witness that this could have turned into a fight really easily. Dumb? Yup! Truth? Yup!
Determined to not just settle the argument, but prove that a.) I was right and b.) that I actually did win, I decided that the next day, I would consult with the little map inside the train AND take a picture just to prove how right I really was, but there was no point in arguing at that moment, because I just couldn’t prove how right I knew I was.
And then the next day I forgot. And I just kept forgetting.
I would remember when I was sitting in my comfy seat on the train that I needed to take a pic of the map while waiting to exit, but by the time I stood up, I forgot again.
I blame this on “mom brain” but the fact is, I just forget things really easily and I don’t think it has anything to do with my kids.
Then yesterday as I was waiting to exit the train, I looked up at the map and almost laughed out loud at what I saw.
This morning, Marcos was dropping me off at the lightrail station because it was cold outside-his idea, btw (insert awwwww here)-I told him:
“Oh ya, so I was looking at the lightrail map yesterday and we were both right. The next stop if you’re on the Alum Rock train is Baypointe. I was on the Mountain View train so the next stop is Champion.”
And then we were laughing how we both thought we were right and the other one was crazy and let it go just to avoid arguing, all the while, knowing that really WE were the one that was right.
And we were.
We were both right, just talking about 2 different things.
And so many marriages-or any relationship for that matter-would just be happier if we could let things go.
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
Sometimes, it’s ok to walk away from a conversation and not be the “winner.” You can just console yourself by telling yourself that you know you’re right.
Let it go.
Choose your battles.
Whatever cliché you need to tell yourself, live it out!
Not everything is worth an argument. Let the little things go, because when you voice something that actually means something to you, the other person in the relationship won’t hear you, because you’re always complaining about something.
Take it from me, someone who learned their lesson the hard way in a relationship that failed miserably, it’s not worth it to always have to be right.
I think Marcos and I both learned this lesson the hard way, but have put it in to practice in our 8+ years of marriage and it really works.
We rarely argue and when one of us happens to bring up an issue that is bothering us, the other one really listens, because we don’t nag each other about the small stuff.
So, there it is.
Take it or leave it.
Just let it go and I promise you will be so much happier…after all, maybe you’re both right, just in different ways!
Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack
than share a mansion with a nagging spouse. Proverbs 21:9 (The Message)