If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, you should probably read it in order for this one to make sense. It was a little bit all over the place, but there has been so much that has happened, I didn’t know where to begin or where to end, so it literally became a blabbermouth blog of run-on sentences and incomplete thoughts.
But, hopefully you got the point.
- God is great even if He doesn’t “fix” our situation the way we thought He should.
- At the end of every trial, we can come through in a way that people won’t even be able to tell by looking at us everything we’ve gone through
- But, it’s our job to testify what God has brought us through and reach back to help pull others through with us and show them the lessons we’ve learned along the way.
In February, things were really looking up. Marcos had been at his job for almost 1 year and he was doing really well and working at a place that he loved with people that he loved working with.
I had a job that was so low paying it was embarrassing and no one there liked me, but I knew that I was there for a reason and there was some lesson that I was supposed to be learning there.
But, I had a job!
I had been laid off from a job that I loved over a year before and had decided to just take the unemployment and stay home with Malachi the last year before he started school. How hard would it be to find another good job after that?
I fully admit that I complained about my job everyday and I never wanted to go and prayed such an honest prayer to God,
“Please let me learn what I have to learn and get out of here. I hate this job and it sucks!!! I would not be opposed to a better job with better pay and, by the way, better people would be amazing, too. This isn’t fair! Seriously, it sucks!”
Every time something horrible happened there and I reacted in a way that I thought was more than fair, I thought to myself, “OK, lesson learned, I’m going to be offered a way better job…starting…NOW!”
And my phone would sit there silently and not ring. Rude!
It was getting embarrassing how many resumes I sent out.
I was starting to get a complex.
I mean, I know I’m not the most qualified for everything, but I have a pretty wide range of experience. And it would be nice to work at a job for more than a few months and have to tell people, “Well, it’s better than nothing for now.” So. Over. Saying. THAT!
And then, one morning, Marcos came home from work and told me he had been laid off.
A bummer for sure, but nothing you can do about that! God is in control and there must be something better out there for him. He’ll have a better job in no time!
Then, I got to work and the agent I was working for decided that he’s ready to retire soon and is cutting everyone’s hours…dun, dun, DUN!!!!! I went from barely being able to make it on 40 hours per week to working less than 20…YAY!!!!
I went home and told Marcos and we agreed it would be OK, that God had a better job for me out there, too.
And then it was March.
And then it was April.
And then it was May.
When no one is really bringing in money and there are 4 kids to take care of, you have to start making choices.
And sometimes those choices are paying the rent and eating.
Having gas money to get to work, or go to special events.
It was so stressful.
And we were trying so hard to keep the faith and believe and stay positive and not let the kids know that there was anything wrong.
Thank goodness kids love to eat rice and beans and tortillas, ya know?
And here we were, still paying our tithe with faith and believing and trusting God and praying for others and trying to be genuinely happy for them when things were going so well for others and wondering all along, “What the heck? Is it us? Are we doing something wrong? Do we not have enough faith?”
We were still trucking along, being faithful to do what we were supposed to do at the church and making sure that our responsibilities were covered.
We were still showing up to prayer.
We were still working with the youth.
We were still planning services for the conference.
We were doing it all because we love God, and we love the youth and we knew that it was what we were supposed to be doing.
And then one day, I snapped…I had had enough, and I was done. Over it. Completely, absolutely, positively, capital-O-capital-I-Over.It.
I lay down in my bed, with all of my clothes on and cried. And cried. And cried some more.
I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t yelling, I was just sad and feeling so hopeless. I felt so bad for letting myself get so upset and Marcos held my hand and let me cry and say all of the thoughts that were going through my head.
God forgot about us.
I’m not praying enough.
I don’t have enough faith.
Maybe He’s mad at me.
I can’t take this anymore.
I feel like I’m going crazy.
I just want to sleep forever.
Julianna and Danielle should go live with their dad so it’s 2 less people we have to worry about.
What the heck are we going to do?
And this went on for a good long while.
And when I was all done, he looked me straight in the eye and said, “God didn’t forget about us. He loves us and we have to keep doing what is right and everything will be OK. I don’t care if we lose everything, as long as I’m with you and we don’t lose faith in God, I’m OK with that.”
And then, it was like a switch was flipped in my brain and in my heart and I was so full of peace.
Whatever happened, I knew that Marcos was right, as long as we were together and continued to trust and love God, no matter how horrible everything looked from the outside, God had a plan that was so far above anything I could imagine.
So, I wiped my nose, because let me tell you, it was a major can’t-even-talk-hiccups-and-snot-fest that afternoon…dried my eyes, washed my face and said the most simple, but heart-felt one line prayer,
“Have your way, God. I trust you.”
And then I remembered a verse that I had loved and in that moment, it took on so much more meaning.
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9
I will not give up.
I will not stop giving.
I will not stop pouring into others.
I will not stop praying.
I will not stop believing.
I will not stop.
I think I’ve shared this song before, but click here to listen again. It was the song I listened to that day and was reminded again that God is everything I will ever need.